- Jul 15, 2024
I'm not privileged: my life is the outcome of my choices
- Courtney Ashworth
Life updates:
Our sweet little Kenny is now just over 3 months old. How is he already 3 months?! And how is it true he’s only been with us 3 months?! Motherhood brings out life's greatest juxtapositions. But like any mom with her second born, I know this now. I know how fleeting this baby year is. And I’m choosing to linger with him for as long, and as often, as I can – soaking up the cuddles, noises, and gummy smiles.
Over at the farm we harvested our first batch of delicious honeycombs from our bees <3 Which honestly gave me chills between my connection with bees this summer (with the birth of Kenny in the same week we brought them to the farm), as well as this being the first harvest from our property, laying the foundation for abundance to come. Seeing Ceanna's face when daddy brought the honeycombs home was for sure a glimmer moment.
This week I’m also deeply aware I’ve hit the proverbial time that America say’s I’m ready to ‘return to work’. The 12-week postpartum mark is advertised to us as a magical moment that we can, and in fact should, drop our child off to someone else’s care and head back to our 'real job'.
The truth is, I did exactly this when Ceanna turned 12 weeks old. It stung. Sending her to daycare was a shock to both of our systems. Off she went to daycare. Monday through Friday, 8am to 4pm. The sweetest teacher got to hold my baby all day long (along with 5 other babies, too, of course), while I played career Barbie and pumped breastmilk in my car for someone else to feed her. I got to be with her in the evenings, during the dinner-bedtime rush when we were all cranky and tired. It was an exhausting, long week. And we repeated it for 2 years.
I didn’t know better. I didn’t know I had a choice. I didn’t know to question how it aligned with my values; heck, I hardly knew my values. I didn’t know that babies don’t just need milk, sleep, a clean diaper, and an occasional cuddle. No, they need their mom. Or at least a close family member, if mom simply isn’t possible for whatever reason.
No disrespect to Ceanna’s daycare staff, they were angels. But they weren’t me.
Likewise, I am not sharing this with any judgement in my heart towards moms who prioritize their careers, knowing that this life is what works best for them, and carefully choose responsible caregivers for their babies.
What I am saying is: it’s not fair that we’re taught that is the only way. I’m grateful to know now it’s not, and it’s not even the right way. To quote a friend, when you know it’s not right for you, the workforce becomes a prison.
I know now that I'm not a prisoner to society's ways, and as the matriarch of my family, I know what’s best for us, and have a responsibility to listen to my inner niggle.
I’m grateful I listened, and opened a conversation with my husband, and we decided together just what sacrifices had to be made for us to do life differently – for me to leave the workforce. We decided at that same time, this wasn’t just about a short-term band aid, it wasn’t just to stay home with her as a baby. No, we decided then that I was also the best person to teach and guide her through her school age years and we would figure out a path for me to stay home for the length of her childhood and homeschool. We agreed to prioritize nourishing her spirit, her inner strengths and values, her emotional well-being, her physical wellbeing, and agreed to trust the mental educational aspect to unfold exactly when and how it’s meant to.
Note that this path is not about privilege. If you’re saying to yourself, ‘we could never do that’, I bet you could and I'd love to help you figure out how. It does require sacrifices of it’s own. Sacrifices around finances in an economy designed around a 2-person-income-household. Sacrifices to my time during the week and any desire for a career of my own (something my small coaching practice satisfies to a point). And many more tiny, daily sacrifices. I don’t believe homeschooling is a privilege, it’s a choice.
And as I am at this 3-month postpartum period, and in the throws of preparing to start Ceanna’s kindergarten year at home, and coming off celebrating America’s birthday, in the same month witnessing such division amidst this political campaign in the 'land of the free' .... I’m feeling immensely reflective of the freedom to make this choice, and the freedom that comes with it.
Freedom to create a slow childhood for my babies. Freedom to foster an environment that instills core life values our culture has deemed less important, like a deep connection with our food system, relationship with the natural world around us, how to nurture the human nervous system, how to think and solve problems creatively, to be in relationship with all different people, and to contribute to the family and step in as part of our team.
The truth is, there is clearly something to the 12-week mark. I felt a tiny bit more vitality in my body this past week. I'm feeling called back to my work and a level of productivity in life. But I'm grateful I get to choose moment to moment the intensity of that productivity drive versus a deep desire to cuddle my babies or spend time in nature with our friends.
If you are curious about stepping out of the dual income paradigm, saying no to daycare, if homeschooling is an option for your family, or maybe unschooling, or a totally different path … If you feel stuck in the mindset that the power to make choices for your family is a privilege not available to you ... I’d love to support you in tapping in to your God-given intuition. Respond to this email to let me know what decision you’re currently grappling, no strings attached to continue a conversation, but I’d love to know what’s on your heart right now.
We aren't privileged, we're intentional <3
In love and wellness,
xoxo - Court
PS. I plan to continue writing and attempting to share weekly-ish updates on this blog as I reshape my coaching business on this side of postpartum, but I'm pulling back from social media (a decision I'll share more on soon!) I'd love to connect with other mamas who may be interested in encouragement around living life slowly, simply, and intentionally. I'd appreciate greatly if you forward this message to the first mom who pops in your mind who might connect with this. And if you are new here, welcome! Sign up for my free course and newsletter updates here.
PPS. If you are considering staying home with your kids, here are some podcast episodes I have found very encouraging:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-smiling-homeschooler-podcast/id1433176954?i=1000608609955
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/equipped-to-be/id1499574850?i=1000478321420
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-spillover-with-alex-clark/id1507839530?i=1000649269535